Dear Dr. Staff: How come alcohol makes people drunk? I heard somewhere that there's some strange chemical process going on in your brain, and that every time you drink a can of beer, you lose half your brain cells. Well, I've dranken a real lot of beers in my time, so I was wondering how many brain cells I had left.

--Inebriated Innocuous Inquirer

Dear Inebriated: Don't worry-you have plenty of brain cells to spare. Alcohol doesn't really make you drunk, it just makes you think you're drunk, so you act that way. And when you're drunk, you're too confused to realize how sober you really are.

--Tower of Teetotaling inTelligence

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